Wife 1.0 Technical Support
by Ajari Wilson · in General Discussion · 10/04/2005 (1:55 pm) · 39 replies
My cousin sent this to me in an e-mail and I thought it was pretty funny so I figured I'd share. I usually wouldn't post stuff like this but I thought it may hit home with some of you here. I'm currently at Girlfriend 7.0 myself.
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
Dear Tech Support:
Last year I upgraded from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0. I soon noticed that the new program began unexpected child processing that took up a lot of space and valuable resources. In addition, Wife 1.0 installed itself into all other programs and now monitors all other system activity. Applications such as Poker Night 10.3, Football 5.0, Hunting and Fishing 7.5, and Racing 3.6.
I can't seem to keep Wife 1.0 in the background while attempting to run my favorite applications. I'm thinking about going back to Girlfriend 7.0, but the uninstall doesn't work on Wife 1.0. Please help!
Thanks,
A Troubled User.
______________________________________
REPLY:
Dear Troubled User:
This is a very common problem that men complain about.
Many people upgrade from Girlfriend 7.0 to Wife 1.0, thinking that it is just a Utilities and Entertainment program. Wife 1.0 is an OPERATING SYSTEM and is designed by its Creator to run EVERYTHING!!! It is also impossible to delete Wife 1.0 and to return to Girlfriend 7.0. It is impossible to uninstall, or purge the program files from the system once installed.
You cannot go back to Girlfriend 7.0 because Wife 1.0 is designed to not allow this. Look in your Wife 1.0 manual under Warnings-Alimony-Child Support. I recommend that you keep Wife1.0 and work on improving the situation. I suggest installing the background application "Yes Dear" to alleviate software augmentation.
The best course of action is to enter the command C:\APOLOGIZE because ultimately you will have to give the APOLOGIZE command before the system will return to normal anyway.
Wife 1.0 is a great program, but it tends to be very high maintenance. Wife 1.0 comes with several support programs, such as Clean and Sweep 3.0, Cook It 1.5 and Do Bills 4.2.
However, be very careful how you use these programs. Improper use will cause the system to launch the program Nag Nag 9.5. Once this happens, the only way to improve the performance of Wife 1.0 is to purchase additional software. I recommend Flowers 2.1 and Diamonds 5.0 !
WARNING!!! DO NOT, under any circumstances, install Secretary With Short Skirt 3.3. This application is not supported by Wife 1.0 and will cause irreversible damage to the operating system.
Best of luck,
Tech Support
#22
No Brian, life is good for that indie developer :P
10/06/2005 (9:56 am)
Quote:
life is good for the indie developer
No Brian, life is good for that indie developer :P
#23
10/06/2005 (10:54 am)
I say we all take Brian out back and rough him up a bit. He's just too darned lucky! 
#25
10/06/2005 (11:08 am)
Not to brag, or be indecent, but when I was younger I found my self in the opportunity to experience such a thing... I must say... 4 is the magic number, not 3. :)
#26
10/06/2005 (3:55 pm)
Hey I have STILL SINGLE 1.0........ 
#27
I'm still utilizing Wife1.0. for the last 17 years, no Project-stopping bugs left. Remember[as I've heard it here many times over...], it's not the program's fault, it's what you're doing with/to it...;), that causes 'glitches'...LOL.
10/06/2005 (4:17 pm)
When trouble arises, reboot the software!I'm still utilizing Wife1.0. for the last 17 years, no Project-stopping bugs left. Remember[as I've heard it here many times over...], it's not the program's fault, it's what you're doing with/to it...;), that causes 'glitches'...LOL.
#28
10/06/2005 (4:53 pm)
LOL How do you REBOOT the software exactly?
#29
10/06/2005 (5:33 pm)
Well....I'm utilizing my own Source code, so I guess it's kinda propritery and I can't divulge a lot of the finer details...;), snicker, tee-hee, try a lot of debugging too, line by line....LOL>, but hey, 17 years, can't be all that bad of code...
#30
10/06/2005 (5:36 pm)
LOL Ah man your crazy :) 
#31
10/06/2005 (5:52 pm)
I'm sticking with my Gamer Girlfriend 9.9 Optimized. I've had to purchase a second computer to run it, along with another copy of Guild Wars but overall I feel it's been a much more stable system. While the software has repeatedly prompted me to upgrade to Wife 1.0, I've gotten used to clicking the "No, remind me later." button. My favorite feature of Gamer Girlfriend 9.9 Optimized, is that without any child processes cluttering the workspace, it's much easier to configure the input/output scheduling.
#32
Anyway, Wife 1.0 security core will start attorney 1.1 wich seems to be a basic application but is very tough and may seriously affect your bank account database (maybe permanently).
Otherwise I've heard about omicide and garden buring 5.6 but I'm not sure.....
I also heard, by the way, that wife 1.0 could donate very good times and sometimes it replicates itself with Son 0.3 or Daughter 0.5 or even both.
Issues resulting from these replications could be also a problem, but this is for another call center.....
Bye, Berserk.
.
10/08/2005 (7:01 pm)
The only way of getting free from wife 1.0 process is to run divorce 1.0 power uninstaller.Anyway, Wife 1.0 security core will start attorney 1.1 wich seems to be a basic application but is very tough and may seriously affect your bank account database (maybe permanently).
Otherwise I've heard about omicide and garden buring 5.6 but I'm not sure.....
I also heard, by the way, that wife 1.0 could donate very good times and sometimes it replicates itself with Son 0.3 or Daughter 0.5 or even both.
Issues resulting from these replications could be also a problem, but this is for another call center.....
Bye, Berserk.
.
#33
although I do most of my development and testing using Wife1.0, it still lacks support for a few key features. luckily, I still have a copy of Slutty Ex 3.0 on my comp that I use for some low-level processes from time to time. the cool thing about it is that most versions of SE 3.0 will run as background processes to avoid confliction with Wife1.0. unlike previous versions, SE 3.0 is fully configurable in every area and compiles on most systems with no errors. its great for those more obscure Intimacy routines that Wife1.0 doesnt support.
10/08/2005 (8:12 pm)
Yea berserk its true, after a relatively short period of trial and error, i got my wife 1.0 to replicate itself with Son 0.3. Son0.3 works like a charm and I couldnt be happier with the results. =)although I do most of my development and testing using Wife1.0, it still lacks support for a few key features. luckily, I still have a copy of Slutty Ex 3.0 on my comp that I use for some low-level processes from time to time. the cool thing about it is that most versions of SE 3.0 will run as background processes to avoid confliction with Wife1.0. unlike previous versions, SE 3.0 is fully configurable in every area and compiles on most systems with no errors. its great for those more obscure Intimacy routines that Wife1.0 doesnt support.
#34
Mine got activated when I installed Son 0.1 and the symptoms started:
1. System started abstaining from loading any games.
2. If persuaded to load games, will totally suck at it and will happily let you win in PvP.
3. During missions and quests, system will erratically go /AFK even though your a$$ is getting handed to you by the Mob Boss and you need her to heal.
4. System will start processing pictures and setting up family websites. This includes posting your fat a$$ on the web without your permission. Querying the system as to why will respond "Because its funny".
5. Will automatically format any windows partition it can get its hands on and install Linux. Then will make you beg so that you can dual-boot.
Wait, it gets worse. This year, with us getting the free upgrade to Son 3.0, I have pre-ordered Daughter 0.1 ... the system automatically planned and purchased hardware upgrades around the house:
1. Converted home network to WiFi
2. Built a new network server (print, file, internet gateway) by hand and installed Ubuntu Linux
3. Setup a wireless camera viewable through the internet
4. Procured a 3 in 1 printer (copy, print and scan)
5. Installed a 300Gb ethernet harddisk for storage of Son 3.x and Daughter 0.x videos and pictures
Last month, my system just decided that its really not compatible with MS-Windows XP and sold her "old" gaming rig and purchased an iBook G4.
Although I sometimes miss some features of Gaming Wife 1.x but the Techi Wife1.x is promising me an Intel-based iMac next year ...
10/17/2005 (9:52 pm)
Btw, a word of warning to Gamer Wife 1.x owners. There is a hidden activation code that will convert your Gamer Wife 1.x to Techie Wife 1.x (version numbers are carried over). Currently, given the nature of the OS, there is no assured way of activating it so just observe your system.Mine got activated when I installed Son 0.1 and the symptoms started:
1. System started abstaining from loading any games.
2. If persuaded to load games, will totally suck at it and will happily let you win in PvP.
3. During missions and quests, system will erratically go /AFK even though your a$$ is getting handed to you by the Mob Boss and you need her to heal.
4. System will start processing pictures and setting up family websites. This includes posting your fat a$$ on the web without your permission. Querying the system as to why will respond "Because its funny".
5. Will automatically format any windows partition it can get its hands on and install Linux. Then will make you beg so that you can dual-boot.
Wait, it gets worse. This year, with us getting the free upgrade to Son 3.0, I have pre-ordered Daughter 0.1 ... the system automatically planned and purchased hardware upgrades around the house:
1. Converted home network to WiFi
2. Built a new network server (print, file, internet gateway) by hand and installed Ubuntu Linux
3. Setup a wireless camera viewable through the internet
4. Procured a 3 in 1 printer (copy, print and scan)
5. Installed a 300Gb ethernet harddisk for storage of Son 3.x and Daughter 0.x videos and pictures
Last month, my system just decided that its really not compatible with MS-Windows XP and sold her "old" gaming rig and purchased an iBook G4.
Although I sometimes miss some features of Gaming Wife 1.x but the Techi Wife1.x is promising me an Intel-based iMac next year ...
#35
10/17/2005 (11:01 pm)
Does anyone have a free trial version? This is all shareware, right? ;)
#36
10/17/2005 (11:14 pm)
Oh I forgot, I'n my country ... it is illegal to own or run Divorce 1.0 Power Uninstaller. The alternative to this is that you use Legal Separation 1.0 but you have to convince the judge that your copy of Wife 1.0 is infected with Clinically Insane or Mentally Incapacitated virus. You can then go back to Girlfriend 7.0 but will not be eligible to purchase or upgrade to Wife 1.0 anymore.
#37
10/17/2005 (11:15 pm)
This does not compute.
#38
10/17/2005 (11:21 pm)
Free trial versions of wife 1.x can be obtained from Vegas Software with limited cost, however most people don't research that particular version and find it incompatable with their system. Typically such low cost versions of Wife 1.0 purchased spontaneously will uninstall easily, however, there are cases to where the uninstaller is known to crash and your only choice is to use the emergency bundled executable leavestate.exe. Trial versions for girlfriend 1.0 however can be easily attained but are limited to one night only. These version come with HotSex 3.0 but are known to carry viruses across shareware networks. 
#39
Do you wish to proceed? Y/N"
10/18/2005 (5:31 am)
"Warning, performing the Wife 1.0 upgrade will automatically run the Hot-Coffee uninstaller.Do you wish to proceed? Y/N"
Torque Owner Brian Hunter