Where I've been and why...
by Jacob Dankovchik · 06/11/2011 (2:04 am) · 9 comments
So for some of you, especially those of you who took an interest in the T3D Environment Pack, you may have noticed that lately I've been nowhere to be found. The pack has also unfortunately suffered greatly because of it, updates that were supposed to happen just getting delayed into oblivion. I feel absolutely terrible for this and for those of you that it affected, I sincerely apologize. However I expect things to be making a somewhat big change that will keep this from happening.
The primary reason I've vanished like this is college. And with that small bit said, as you can probably already guess, that's what's (very most likely) about to change. I do in fact believe I'll be joining the ranks of "college dropout", leaving a rather high-end school and abandoning my goal of a degree in game design with them. Being a military vet, I get the GI bill which pays for the whole thing as well, a degree of roughly 85 grand costing me very little. Most people would have the immediate reaction of "OMGWTFBBQ WHY" but I actually, in my opinion, have a fairly strong reason for wanting to bail out.
Since coming to this school, I've learned a LOT in a relatively small span of time. Here are the things I've learned:
1. A college has nothing to offer, knowledge wise, that you won't be able to have taught to you for free thanks to the modern use of the internet.
2. If a school at first appears to be all about money, then says they are actually all about art, then they are all about money.
3. A degree and good job will NOT make you happy and personal values come way before that.
My biggest dream and goal is, and has always been, my own brand of games. I've somewhat started that with the T3DEP alone, for the first time in my life selling something under my "company" name, Dark Phoenix Software. A dream that I started around 8 years ago. And I've come to realize that the most progress, learning, and success, with my dream has come all by my own hand; an establishment of "higher learning" actually only hindered this project, undoing the progress I had made for myself.
The school was, unfortunately, all about preparing you for that "big job". Because of this, you were taught how to follow orders, basically. Again, being a military vet and having a bit of a tight homelife when I was younger, this is no new concept to me. The only issue I have with it is that we're talking about ART, not about duties and work. To me, a video game is the absolute perfect artistic medium, having immense potential yet to be tapped. There is more inspiration for creation there than I've ever felt (well, electrical engineering work being a close second...). I don't want someone telling me how to feel, artistically. I mean, I really REALLY do not want that. And all of the classes made it very clear: "You will NOT add your own artistic ideas to this project. Think of me as your client and as your client, this is my art and not your's.". Screw that.
Which then made me question my own life values a bit. I tend to live very simply, I don't really dive into luxuries or indulgences. I simply don't need them. I don't drink (never have), don't have a car (I'd rather walk for miles on end), and don't really go anywhere (a stroll through the woods is more fun than any movie). The only things I actually need is money for rent, basic needs for me (and of course my cat, Archibald), and the utilities. That's it... You don't need a degree to pay for these things, you don't need a high end job. In fact all you need is some crappy, dead-end job that's also painfully easy as well to pay for all of this. If I can pay for all of that, then my time can all be spent on my projects and thus, my attempt for a name of my own.
Of course the danger here is that what if it doesn't work? What if Dark Phoenix Software goes nowhere at all and I spend years of my life getting absolutely nowhere? Well... Fuck it. No matter where you get in life, we all end at the same spot: death. It's going to happen, end of story. So if going for my life goal may end up leading me nowhere financially, I know I'd still be able to die happy knowing that I tried. Being someone else's little art-minion, getting the nice upper middle class lifestyle... yeah, you'll die with basic comforts but for myself, I'd also be miserable. I don't need or want the fancy car, I want to properly express myself. And even if only 2 people ever see anything I do, that's 2 more than myself and it will be MINE, not someone else's idea.
Sooo, yeah... It's 2 am, I was attempting to get a full night's sleep (would've been my first in about 2 months) but this idea came to mind and I now I can't sleep again. Oh, and WHY can't I sleep anymore? Because this college crap has me so stressed out. Not because it's hard but because I hate it and it goes against everything I want in life.
Anyhow, that's my little "rant" and update. So in otherwords, I should be able to get back to work very soon and, quite possibly, be far more productive and creative than ever before. I'm sitting on an absolute goldmine of ideas right now too. So many things that I would love to bring forward to the community, mostly in environments but also covering many other areas as well, some of which I've yet to see surface in wide use in the industry even! And nothing in my mind says that these methods wouldn't be possible, far from it in fact. All I need is the time and peace of mind to work on them, which I may be getting very soon.
Obviously I haven't fully decided yet because something like this is far from a small decision... But those are my thoughts. Have any of your own? Be it on my situation or one of your own, anything would be nice to hear. It may help me come to grips with my own.
The primary reason I've vanished like this is college. And with that small bit said, as you can probably already guess, that's what's (very most likely) about to change. I do in fact believe I'll be joining the ranks of "college dropout", leaving a rather high-end school and abandoning my goal of a degree in game design with them. Being a military vet, I get the GI bill which pays for the whole thing as well, a degree of roughly 85 grand costing me very little. Most people would have the immediate reaction of "OMGWTFBBQ WHY" but I actually, in my opinion, have a fairly strong reason for wanting to bail out.
Since coming to this school, I've learned a LOT in a relatively small span of time. Here are the things I've learned:
1. A college has nothing to offer, knowledge wise, that you won't be able to have taught to you for free thanks to the modern use of the internet.
2. If a school at first appears to be all about money, then says they are actually all about art, then they are all about money.
3. A degree and good job will NOT make you happy and personal values come way before that.
My biggest dream and goal is, and has always been, my own brand of games. I've somewhat started that with the T3DEP alone, for the first time in my life selling something under my "company" name, Dark Phoenix Software. A dream that I started around 8 years ago. And I've come to realize that the most progress, learning, and success, with my dream has come all by my own hand; an establishment of "higher learning" actually only hindered this project, undoing the progress I had made for myself.
The school was, unfortunately, all about preparing you for that "big job". Because of this, you were taught how to follow orders, basically. Again, being a military vet and having a bit of a tight homelife when I was younger, this is no new concept to me. The only issue I have with it is that we're talking about ART, not about duties and work. To me, a video game is the absolute perfect artistic medium, having immense potential yet to be tapped. There is more inspiration for creation there than I've ever felt (well, electrical engineering work being a close second...). I don't want someone telling me how to feel, artistically. I mean, I really REALLY do not want that. And all of the classes made it very clear: "You will NOT add your own artistic ideas to this project. Think of me as your client and as your client, this is my art and not your's.". Screw that.
Which then made me question my own life values a bit. I tend to live very simply, I don't really dive into luxuries or indulgences. I simply don't need them. I don't drink (never have), don't have a car (I'd rather walk for miles on end), and don't really go anywhere (a stroll through the woods is more fun than any movie). The only things I actually need is money for rent, basic needs for me (and of course my cat, Archibald), and the utilities. That's it... You don't need a degree to pay for these things, you don't need a high end job. In fact all you need is some crappy, dead-end job that's also painfully easy as well to pay for all of this. If I can pay for all of that, then my time can all be spent on my projects and thus, my attempt for a name of my own.
Of course the danger here is that what if it doesn't work? What if Dark Phoenix Software goes nowhere at all and I spend years of my life getting absolutely nowhere? Well... Fuck it. No matter where you get in life, we all end at the same spot: death. It's going to happen, end of story. So if going for my life goal may end up leading me nowhere financially, I know I'd still be able to die happy knowing that I tried. Being someone else's little art-minion, getting the nice upper middle class lifestyle... yeah, you'll die with basic comforts but for myself, I'd also be miserable. I don't need or want the fancy car, I want to properly express myself. And even if only 2 people ever see anything I do, that's 2 more than myself and it will be MINE, not someone else's idea.
Sooo, yeah... It's 2 am, I was attempting to get a full night's sleep (would've been my first in about 2 months) but this idea came to mind and I now I can't sleep again. Oh, and WHY can't I sleep anymore? Because this college crap has me so stressed out. Not because it's hard but because I hate it and it goes against everything I want in life.
Anyhow, that's my little "rant" and update. So in otherwords, I should be able to get back to work very soon and, quite possibly, be far more productive and creative than ever before. I'm sitting on an absolute goldmine of ideas right now too. So many things that I would love to bring forward to the community, mostly in environments but also covering many other areas as well, some of which I've yet to see surface in wide use in the industry even! And nothing in my mind says that these methods wouldn't be possible, far from it in fact. All I need is the time and peace of mind to work on them, which I may be getting very soon.
Obviously I haven't fully decided yet because something like this is far from a small decision... But those are my thoughts. Have any of your own? Be it on my situation or one of your own, anything would be nice to hear. It may help me come to grips with my own.
#2
06/11/2011 (9:39 am)
School don't really teach so much as they provide the information to you, making you aware of it, and sometimes a good direction on how to absorb the information. I got a degree in Game and Simulation programming from Devry just last year, and no I am not working, but dont let that discourage you, its because I live in Maine plain and simple, my area is why I can't get work. However I am moving my fammily to Tennessee, and there are tons of jobs for a graduate, in fact the other great thing about these schools are their connections, they CAN and WILL try very hard to get you a job. I think its work staying for the benefits that you will get after and during(SOFTWARE!). I know its hard to stick it out, but you won't be sorry. I kept going because I wasn't going to add this to the list of things I have not completed, and even being basically jobless, (other than private contracts) I am happy i got the Degree...ANY degree is better than none;O) Good luck to you sir:O) 
#3
I'm not independently wealthy, so since I have to work for someone else I figure I should put myself in a position to have a say in who I work for. Until I finish my degree I have very little choice - I work where I can, when I can. I'm an electrician and have been for many years, but I want to be a game programmer. I'm fairly competent with C++ and its cousins, I even code some in assembly and I know more about PC architecture than 90% of the CS grads from UNLV that I've met (I know, not UNLV's strong suit). I can code at least on a level with these guys who're fresh out of school and I have the maturity and discipline that comes with age and general life experiences. I'm familiar with 3D art tools, 2D art tools, sound and music tools and I'm not half bad in any of them so I can at least communicate and work with the professional art and music guys.
Blah blah - won't get me a job doing what I want to do. Because I HAVE NO PAPER.
Its only getting worse. Each passing year the level of paper you must have to hold ANY job increases. Even my job is requiring more and more "certifications" to show that I know how to do something that anyone who's been in the trade more than 6 months can do in their sleep. Soon we'll need a Doctorate to flip burgers.
You probably don't want to hear this stuff - I know I don't. But there it is. Take it as you like.
06/11/2011 (8:47 pm)
The big picture - employers want to see that paper. Unless you come through the door with a complete AAA title ready to ship, I guess.I'm not independently wealthy, so since I have to work for someone else I figure I should put myself in a position to have a say in who I work for. Until I finish my degree I have very little choice - I work where I can, when I can. I'm an electrician and have been for many years, but I want to be a game programmer. I'm fairly competent with C++ and its cousins, I even code some in assembly and I know more about PC architecture than 90% of the CS grads from UNLV that I've met (I know, not UNLV's strong suit). I can code at least on a level with these guys who're fresh out of school and I have the maturity and discipline that comes with age and general life experiences. I'm familiar with 3D art tools, 2D art tools, sound and music tools and I'm not half bad in any of them so I can at least communicate and work with the professional art and music guys.
Blah blah - won't get me a job doing what I want to do. Because I HAVE NO PAPER.
Its only getting worse. Each passing year the level of paper you must have to hold ANY job increases. Even my job is requiring more and more "certifications" to show that I know how to do something that anyone who's been in the trade more than 6 months can do in their sleep. Soon we'll need a Doctorate to flip burgers.
You probably don't want to hear this stuff - I know I don't. But there it is. Take it as you like.
#4
Secondly, I don't know how old you are...but the older you get the more that degree might mean to you personally. I personally hit the tech employment market at the right time. When I was 19 years old, the Internet was just making its way into people's homes and I had already been a 3+ year Linux geek making mini IP networks using the computers in my home...very valuable experience in the mid-1990s. I've since gone on to do quite well for myself professionally, but the missing degree bothers me in the back of my mind.
Third and finally, life and the economy change. Lovers of video games see them as recession-proof...and they have proven fairly resilient in tough economic times. That being said...there may come a day where home video gaming doesn't dominate the way it does today. When that day comes, you may have a family to feed (if you don't already). You will, at the very least, have yourself to feed. So degree or no degree, just make sure you can take care of you and yours.
Good luck with your decisions.
06/12/2011 (7:34 am)
First of all, thank you for your service to our nation's military.Secondly, I don't know how old you are...but the older you get the more that degree might mean to you personally. I personally hit the tech employment market at the right time. When I was 19 years old, the Internet was just making its way into people's homes and I had already been a 3+ year Linux geek making mini IP networks using the computers in my home...very valuable experience in the mid-1990s. I've since gone on to do quite well for myself professionally, but the missing degree bothers me in the back of my mind.
Third and finally, life and the economy change. Lovers of video games see them as recession-proof...and they have proven fairly resilient in tough economic times. That being said...there may come a day where home video gaming doesn't dominate the way it does today. When that day comes, you may have a family to feed (if you don't already). You will, at the very least, have yourself to feed. So degree or no degree, just make sure you can take care of you and yours.
Good luck with your decisions.
#5
06/12/2011 (8:40 am)
Your life is yours to choose as you wish of course, and I chose the same thing you did - I didn't finish my degree, and it hasn't really hurt me personally. But as a note of caution, I built my career during the "boom time", and those days are gone. I am a development manager at a large software company. Our HR dept will not even take applicants without degrees anymore. You could be the best coder on the planet, but without that degree, I would never even see your application or resume.
#6
06/12/2011 (11:49 am)
@Jaimi - I knew that's what those mugs were doing.... Thanks for the confirmation. What if I brought my AAA title ready to sell? ;p
#7
Obviously to keep this from getting too long to read, I didn't cover all details either. But just to strengthen a point, what I want to do is aggressively attempt my own business. Working for yourself doesn't require a degree, but will require a massive amount of effort on my part. Also carries a very large risk of not at all working out.
However I know if I don't attempt it and just go the usual route of degree and job, I'll spend a very, very long time wondering what I could've accomplished. So, I'm gonna just go for it now.
All I need is enough money for food and rent, so not a whole lot. That's easy to accomplish. If it fails, all I lose is a few years of life, but I know I'll get a ton of experience and personal satisfaction from it.
06/12/2011 (3:28 pm)
Well, I've gone ahead and made my decision: I will in fact my leaving school to pursue my own path.Obviously to keep this from getting too long to read, I didn't cover all details either. But just to strengthen a point, what I want to do is aggressively attempt my own business. Working for yourself doesn't require a degree, but will require a massive amount of effort on my part. Also carries a very large risk of not at all working out.
However I know if I don't attempt it and just go the usual route of degree and job, I'll spend a very, very long time wondering what I could've accomplished. So, I'm gonna just go for it now.
All I need is enough money for food and rent, so not a whole lot. That's easy to accomplish. If it fails, all I lose is a few years of life, but I know I'll get a ton of experience and personal satisfaction from it.
#8
One of the benefits of a good school is the networking and reputation. I've gone most of my professional life without completing my paper pursuit. Granted, I'm not in games and I was VERY lucky to have an awesome network. Opportunities are greater when you know the right people. The college experience is, at least in part, about building this network.
I'm now almost 40. I too have a few years of untapped GI Bill and I've decided to go back to school. But I'm not going for the stuff I've been doing for the past 15 years. I'm not starting with an IT focus. My goal is to build a firm theoretical foundation for design. Applied psychology with some philosophy courses thrown in for fun is in my plan for the return. I'm about a year from finishing the undergrad. We'll see what happens after that:) I'm in it for the journey. Not the destination.
Forging out on your own is a good plan. You have talent. Stick with it. Some of the most successful entrepreneurs in history are college drop-outs. Write your own destiny. Good luck.
06/14/2011 (5:05 am)
TBH, if you lean towards the art side, a strong portfolio will speak louder than a degree. It's harder to articulate some of the more tacit nuances of programming, but it's also possible. One of the benefits of a good school is the networking and reputation. I've gone most of my professional life without completing my paper pursuit. Granted, I'm not in games and I was VERY lucky to have an awesome network. Opportunities are greater when you know the right people. The college experience is, at least in part, about building this network.
I'm now almost 40. I too have a few years of untapped GI Bill and I've decided to go back to school. But I'm not going for the stuff I've been doing for the past 15 years. I'm not starting with an IT focus. My goal is to build a firm theoretical foundation for design. Applied psychology with some philosophy courses thrown in for fun is in my plan for the return. I'm about a year from finishing the undergrad. We'll see what happens after that:) I'm in it for the journey. Not the destination.
Forging out on your own is a good plan. You have talent. Stick with it. Some of the most successful entrepreneurs in history are college drop-outs. Write your own destiny. Good luck.
#9
At one company I was at, HR hired several artists to work for me. My first task for them was to come up with some GUI designs for my program. A day later I check up on them and they have nothing started. So I asked they had not come up with any ideas at all, and they explained they were Art History Majors. So if I had any art history questions they could help me. So I do not care about degrees. Real world skillz are how I judge applicants. HR may still have it in their heads that any degree means the person is skilled, which is not the case.
06/16/2011 (8:49 am)
Remember a degree in a non-job related area does not help either.At one company I was at, HR hired several artists to work for me. My first task for them was to come up with some GUI designs for my program. A day later I check up on them and they have nothing started. So I asked they had not come up with any ideas at all, and they explained they were Art History Majors. So if I had any art history questions they could help me. So I do not care about degrees. Real world skillz are how I judge applicants. HR may still have it in their heads that any degree means the person is skilled, which is not the case.
Torque Owner Luis Rodrigues
WinterLeaf Entertainment
You're, however missing one big point about classes - anyone can learn anything by themselfs if they really want it. So school and college and university is not so much about learning as it is about putting method and goals into your learning process.
This helps potencial employers to evaluate your skills and (more importantly) your dedication.
So yes, classes are aimed at finding a job somewhere rather than building your own business, but even if you start your own business that doesn't mean those goal oriented tasks won't apply.
Even if you don't have someone else guiding your goals and limiting your creativity to some degree, you will find yourself putting those limits, cause even if your idea is grand, the tools you use might not give you that freedom, or your target audience will put some constrains on what you do.
Client order or not, at the end of the day you want a product in hands that people will want to pay for (at least if you want your business to flourish) and that will limit your creativity to some degree every time.
Also, one thing that college and university projects teach is to work with others - do you expect to work alone on that business forever? - and others pitching in ideas and suggestions will limit and guide you aswell.
Creativity is good but you need to keep that creativity grounded so your business can become profitable. That's the main thing you can get from college and university.