Ready for the next step?
by Tom Bentz · 06/29/2006 (12:25 am) · 18 comments
I don't know if I am. It sure feels like it. It goes back to me actually having fun with game development using Director. I made games with it but it didnt have the performance and the features of TGB.
Then I got lost in the recession in the past several years. Right now I feel a bit like a Phoenix. I made it through the ashes stronger and more driven. The final blow was my focal review at work on monday. I had picked up a lot of responsibility since I started there almost 3 years ago because I wanted to make more money. I was in a company that was rich so I saw an opportunity. But over the past few months I felt like I was doing 2 jobs at work.
After 3 years of an unfocused corporate job gave me stress and heartburn with too much responsibility and too little pay. That included 2 years of being an intern and 1 year as a reg employee (going through a depression is a bitch with self worth while being ok with interning - I had to eat. I worked my way up to the title Technology Director in a previous, much smaller company before the downturn). I wasnt satisfied with the raise on Monday so I slept on it. The review was fine until Tuesday when my gut instinct said it shouldn't be like this anymore. I've never asked for more money from my manager before but if I ever needed to do anything for myself this was it. Being confident that you have earned something is a great feeling and you should be rewarded properly. That with understanding how our department works with 'the limited budget' had prepared me to roll with the punches. Knowing that you have busted your ass for a decent raise but understanding that it might not happen prepares you mentally. But then knowing they are throwing money at other people through favoritism makes you question the disconnect between what they say and what they do. My boss tells me he cant do anything else even though he and his boss acknowledge I should be making way more money than I am currently making.
I've been feeling that this is my year and I think this might be the kick in the ass I've been waiting for. I've never felt at home in the corporate world because I can feel it sucking the life and creativity out of me. Knowing that you are better than what you are getting makes you more confident in other areas.
I recently came into a chunk of money through my grandma's gracious gift of an inheritance and have been day dreaming here and there about starting a game development company for a long time. I know where I stand at work now and how they respect me. It's kind of stunning to think this way but it makes me think of myself differently also. Im giving myself 2 weeks to figure out whether I want to look for another corporate job or whether I'll quit and sign off corporate forever to focus on game development full time. I'd rather put my everyday uphill battle to rest and try to master Torque and make games like I did Director years ago. I have the means to focus on this full time and I can't think of a better time mentally to walk away than while I'm at the top of my game at work. This truly is an interesting year for me. I'm 33 next month and Im having a hard time finding reasons to continue working in corporate.
From now on I vow to include a picture or screenshot on every blog I post. This is the laptop I bought a couple weeks ago specifically so I could do game development wherever I feel comfortable and most creative. Fujitsu N6410 - 1 Gig RAM, dual core 1.6 Centrino, 256 MB ATI X1400, 17" widescreen, laser wireless mouse, 160 Gig HDD, DVD+-R, media card reader.
Update in a couple weeks...
Then I got lost in the recession in the past several years. Right now I feel a bit like a Phoenix. I made it through the ashes stronger and more driven. The final blow was my focal review at work on monday. I had picked up a lot of responsibility since I started there almost 3 years ago because I wanted to make more money. I was in a company that was rich so I saw an opportunity. But over the past few months I felt like I was doing 2 jobs at work.
After 3 years of an unfocused corporate job gave me stress and heartburn with too much responsibility and too little pay. That included 2 years of being an intern and 1 year as a reg employee (going through a depression is a bitch with self worth while being ok with interning - I had to eat. I worked my way up to the title Technology Director in a previous, much smaller company before the downturn). I wasnt satisfied with the raise on Monday so I slept on it. The review was fine until Tuesday when my gut instinct said it shouldn't be like this anymore. I've never asked for more money from my manager before but if I ever needed to do anything for myself this was it. Being confident that you have earned something is a great feeling and you should be rewarded properly. That with understanding how our department works with 'the limited budget' had prepared me to roll with the punches. Knowing that you have busted your ass for a decent raise but understanding that it might not happen prepares you mentally. But then knowing they are throwing money at other people through favoritism makes you question the disconnect between what they say and what they do. My boss tells me he cant do anything else even though he and his boss acknowledge I should be making way more money than I am currently making.
I've been feeling that this is my year and I think this might be the kick in the ass I've been waiting for. I've never felt at home in the corporate world because I can feel it sucking the life and creativity out of me. Knowing that you are better than what you are getting makes you more confident in other areas.
I recently came into a chunk of money through my grandma's gracious gift of an inheritance and have been day dreaming here and there about starting a game development company for a long time. I know where I stand at work now and how they respect me. It's kind of stunning to think this way but it makes me think of myself differently also. Im giving myself 2 weeks to figure out whether I want to look for another corporate job or whether I'll quit and sign off corporate forever to focus on game development full time. I'd rather put my everyday uphill battle to rest and try to master Torque and make games like I did Director years ago. I have the means to focus on this full time and I can't think of a better time mentally to walk away than while I'm at the top of my game at work. This truly is an interesting year for me. I'm 33 next month and Im having a hard time finding reasons to continue working in corporate.
From now on I vow to include a picture or screenshot on every blog I post. This is the laptop I bought a couple weeks ago specifically so I could do game development wherever I feel comfortable and most creative. Fujitsu N6410 - 1 Gig RAM, dual core 1.6 Centrino, 256 MB ATI X1400, 17" widescreen, laser wireless mouse, 160 Gig HDD, DVD+-R, media card reader.
Update in a couple weeks...
About the author
#2
I too had a mindnumbing corporate job, as a call centre representative, and I quit that to work at the local bar as a glassy. The fact that the bar also hosts national and international bands also helps (Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Death Cab for Cutie are playing in a few weeks, rock on). I get less hours and less pay, but I'm happier and more productive than I've ever been, and I get cheap alcohol too.
I understand the temptation of throwing it all in, but chances are that you'll have burnt through your inheritance before you even release a game, and then you're stuck trying to find another job (or worse, going back to your old job). If anyone knows, Jeff Tunnell knows - go read his blog at makeitbigingames.com.
06/29/2006 (2:04 am)
Phil is right - don't quit your day job.I too had a mindnumbing corporate job, as a call centre representative, and I quit that to work at the local bar as a glassy. The fact that the bar also hosts national and international bands also helps (Yeah Yeah Yeahs and Death Cab for Cutie are playing in a few weeks, rock on). I get less hours and less pay, but I'm happier and more productive than I've ever been, and I get cheap alcohol too.
I understand the temptation of throwing it all in, but chances are that you'll have burnt through your inheritance before you even release a game, and then you're stuck trying to find another job (or worse, going back to your old job). If anyone knows, Jeff Tunnell knows - go read his blog at makeitbigingames.com.
#3
06/29/2006 (2:56 am)
I think that another alternative is to find a job that requires less of your time. With more free time, you can use the free time to do other things, such as working on your game. This way it is less risky, you don't have to spend your the inheritance at the moment(better keep if for a rainy day), and you could spend more time work on your game.
#4
Wait a couple years after you've spend a lot of time developing games before you put your own money into one. It's good advice: never make a movie with your own money. Works for games too. Unless you are experienced at making games and could make the game with someone else's money and just want the control and profit from a sure fire thing... don't put your own money into it.
You have a gift that you are willing to invest in a great opportunity for yourself. But it's too soon. Right now spending money to make a game company would be like spending money on making a house building company when you've never built a house. Or name your company. Why in the world would you put your money into making it before you know what you are doing with it.
Wait. PLEASE. Wait. Be patient. Be that smart guy who didn't fuck it up. Go get a job driving a bus or tending bar, like Paul did. Go work as a bouncer at a strip club. Go deliver pizza! But save that money until you know what you are doing. It will SAVE you at the right time. But if you use it too soon, it will be wasted on stuff you could get for free if you get a part time decent paying job to pay your bills for a while.
I was a programmer and I quit full time programming to learn game dev just like you want to do. But I got a shitty(compared to programming) paying job as a pizza delivery driver and other dumb jobs to pay my bills so I wasn't killing my self at work and having nothing left for learning game development. It was kinda hard to be kinda poor for a while. But I told myself it was like being a college student again and it was kinda cool. And I did it for 3 years.
I worked hard and learned a lot and screwed up a lot and learned from that and screwed up a lot and learned from that and did I mention I screwed up a lot and learned from that. And now I make games for a living. And at times I thought it would never happen. But it did. I held in there and when I knew I was worth something for a game company, I went for it. And I made it.
And I've been doing it for 3 months now and do you know what I learned. THANK GOD I didn't ever put something big into making my own company cause now that I'm working at one I realise all the shit there is to fuck up if you don't have the experience in running a game company. This is why there is almost no indie game studio sucesses in this community that aren't made or run by experienced game developers. It's like being married. You don't really know what it is until you are married. For the love of God, don't treat a game company like a mail order bride. Date and break up and date and break up and date and break up before you commit.
I hope that you are smart enough to head the advice of the people like Jeff Tunnell and others around here with various degrees of experience that are all going to tell you the same thing. You are obviously the hard worker it takes to make it in this business. Don't prematurly start a company. Just wait till you know what you are doing. And then... holy fuck then... put that money to damn good use and make that game company. You are a lucky bastard. I hope you are a smart too.
And I'm just telling you this because I am a lucky bastard too, and we gotta look out for each other. That's what makes this community great. Bastards looking out for each other. :)
Good luck. I hope to hear about your company making amazing games someday soon. :)
06/29/2006 (3:02 am)
Please don't put your savings/inheritance into making a game company. You don't know what you are doing yet and you will waste an incredible opportunity to make a company if you do it before you know what you are doing making games.Wait a couple years after you've spend a lot of time developing games before you put your own money into one. It's good advice: never make a movie with your own money. Works for games too. Unless you are experienced at making games and could make the game with someone else's money and just want the control and profit from a sure fire thing... don't put your own money into it.
You have a gift that you are willing to invest in a great opportunity for yourself. But it's too soon. Right now spending money to make a game company would be like spending money on making a house building company when you've never built a house. Or name your company. Why in the world would you put your money into making it before you know what you are doing with it.
Wait. PLEASE. Wait. Be patient. Be that smart guy who didn't fuck it up. Go get a job driving a bus or tending bar, like Paul did. Go work as a bouncer at a strip club. Go deliver pizza! But save that money until you know what you are doing. It will SAVE you at the right time. But if you use it too soon, it will be wasted on stuff you could get for free if you get a part time decent paying job to pay your bills for a while.
I was a programmer and I quit full time programming to learn game dev just like you want to do. But I got a shitty(compared to programming) paying job as a pizza delivery driver and other dumb jobs to pay my bills so I wasn't killing my self at work and having nothing left for learning game development. It was kinda hard to be kinda poor for a while. But I told myself it was like being a college student again and it was kinda cool. And I did it for 3 years.
I worked hard and learned a lot and screwed up a lot and learned from that and screwed up a lot and learned from that and did I mention I screwed up a lot and learned from that. And now I make games for a living. And at times I thought it would never happen. But it did. I held in there and when I knew I was worth something for a game company, I went for it. And I made it.
And I've been doing it for 3 months now and do you know what I learned. THANK GOD I didn't ever put something big into making my own company cause now that I'm working at one I realise all the shit there is to fuck up if you don't have the experience in running a game company. This is why there is almost no indie game studio sucesses in this community that aren't made or run by experienced game developers. It's like being married. You don't really know what it is until you are married. For the love of God, don't treat a game company like a mail order bride. Date and break up and date and break up and date and break up before you commit.
I hope that you are smart enough to head the advice of the people like Jeff Tunnell and others around here with various degrees of experience that are all going to tell you the same thing. You are obviously the hard worker it takes to make it in this business. Don't prematurly start a company. Just wait till you know what you are doing. And then... holy fuck then... put that money to damn good use and make that game company. You are a lucky bastard. I hope you are a smart too.
And I'm just telling you this because I am a lucky bastard too, and we gotta look out for each other. That's what makes this community great. Bastards looking out for each other. :)
Good luck. I hope to hear about your company making amazing games someday soon. :)
#5
I'm in no real position to offer advice (but lets not let that stop me ;) if you read any of the blogs/posts here by those who are such as Jeff Tunnell, the advice is pretty clear. Have a read of his blog makeitbigingames you can't really beat advice from people that actually have the experience to back it up. You won't have to look far to find similar advice from others as well.
Build up several games over time, once you start selling enough to cover your bills, or when your skills have reached the point where you can take contract work (with the previous games as good evidance to help land those contracts) then think about quitting the day job.
Without real game dev experience its very likely initial projects won't be finished, let alone sell. That day job will help get you past those hurdles.
Although, as Phil says, if your current job is taking the mick, then move on :) There are a few Indie developers that moonlight as security guards, might not be the highest paid job, but if it covers the bills and gives you plenty of time to work on your project outside of work, then its perhaps a sacrifice needed to get where you want to go. Who knows, you might even be able to sneak in on the job time to work on the game ;)
Anyhow, as I say, I'm not really in a position to offer advice, I'm still just an aspiring developer. But I think the "don't quit your day job" is good advice (well phil's version is perhaps better ;)
06/29/2006 (5:02 am)
You could say going straight to full time indie is like diving in the deep end of a swimming pool, time to see if you sink or swim. However, if you're going full time indie with only corporate development experience I'd put it more like, diving in at the deep end without checking to see if there is any water in the pool. Sink or swim isn't an option, you're just going to hurt yourself.I'm in no real position to offer advice (but lets not let that stop me ;) if you read any of the blogs/posts here by those who are such as Jeff Tunnell, the advice is pretty clear. Have a read of his blog makeitbigingames you can't really beat advice from people that actually have the experience to back it up. You won't have to look far to find similar advice from others as well.
Build up several games over time, once you start selling enough to cover your bills, or when your skills have reached the point where you can take contract work (with the previous games as good evidance to help land those contracts) then think about quitting the day job.
Without real game dev experience its very likely initial projects won't be finished, let alone sell. That day job will help get you past those hurdles.
Although, as Phil says, if your current job is taking the mick, then move on :) There are a few Indie developers that moonlight as security guards, might not be the highest paid job, but if it covers the bills and gives you plenty of time to work on your project outside of work, then its perhaps a sacrifice needed to get where you want to go. Who knows, you might even be able to sneak in on the job time to work on the game ;)
Anyhow, as I say, I'm not really in a position to offer advice, I'm still just an aspiring developer. But I think the "don't quit your day job" is good advice (well phil's version is perhaps better ;)
#6
06/29/2006 (5:56 am)
Anton gave you good advice. Jumping right in is a dangerous idea and you stand the chance of losing everything. If you think people here are being negative, you'd be overlooking the fact that they have lots of experience. I've been fulltime for a while now, and it's no picnic. Please consider all of your options first. Game development is volatile and unforgiving. I think everyone here with a shred of experience is telling you to wait. 
#7
I would either stick with the BS at your current job and do games on the side or find another "secure" job somewhere and do games on the side. Atleast get rolling with some games shipped before you jump away from steady work.
06/29/2006 (7:41 am)
I know the feeling. I really got screwed over by the company I work for. I have been there for almost 12 years. So bad that for the first time i'm actually happy that i'm in a union. I'm not going to get into it here. Even if I could see into the future and saw I had developed a huge hit of a game I wouldn't leave my job. To me it's not worth the pressure of continually having to get games done and be successful to keep my head above water. I see this as hopefully making money so I can possibly retire earlier and have fun doing something I really love in the process.I would either stick with the BS at your current job and do games on the side or find another "secure" job somewhere and do games on the side. Atleast get rolling with some games shipped before you jump away from steady work.
#8
Starting out you shouldn't have to invest more than 3-5k in software/hardware.
The trick is finding projects you can do the majority of the work on by yourself. You need to scale your designs down in order to accomplish this. (Look at the casual game market for examples.)
Moreover you need to at least understand how code works, how to use scripting languages, how to create art/levels, and how to make music/sound effects. It is also helpful to have familiarity with milestone scheduling/pre-production/production/marketing/packaging/publishing/localization. Lastly, if you want to captain your own ship you need to be comfortable with game design documents, mockups, and prototyping. I also recommend a good eye for Art. Although it often seems otherwise, being Indie does not mean that unprofessional graphics are acceptable. ;)
Whichever of these skills you don't possess you are going to have to pay someone through contracting or royalties to do for you. I would suggest learning as many of these skills as possible before starting out on your own FT.
The biggest expense for indies in my estimation is simple cost of living. If you can work on your project without paying yourself in advance (like most software developers do) I would suggest doing so. The strategy here is to minimize your expenses so that you have a greater profit margin when you start making sales. This minimizes risk and maximizes the chance for success.
As the gentlemen above queried, this is all assuming you have game development experience. If you do not I would not recommend this move at this time but rather find ways to increase your experience in the above areas I mentioned. You can do this PT or in your spare time without burning a hole in your pocket. Again... this is about maximizing your chances of success. Remember that even experienced companies have a hard time turning a profit on games. Do everything in your power to close the gap of risk.
-Unk
06/29/2006 (8:15 am)
Another thing I want to point out is that making indie games does not have to be expensive thanks to GG.Starting out you shouldn't have to invest more than 3-5k in software/hardware.
The trick is finding projects you can do the majority of the work on by yourself. You need to scale your designs down in order to accomplish this. (Look at the casual game market for examples.)
Moreover you need to at least understand how code works, how to use scripting languages, how to create art/levels, and how to make music/sound effects. It is also helpful to have familiarity with milestone scheduling/pre-production/production/marketing/packaging/publishing/localization. Lastly, if you want to captain your own ship you need to be comfortable with game design documents, mockups, and prototyping. I also recommend a good eye for Art. Although it often seems otherwise, being Indie does not mean that unprofessional graphics are acceptable. ;)
Whichever of these skills you don't possess you are going to have to pay someone through contracting or royalties to do for you. I would suggest learning as many of these skills as possible before starting out on your own FT.
The biggest expense for indies in my estimation is simple cost of living. If you can work on your project without paying yourself in advance (like most software developers do) I would suggest doing so. The strategy here is to minimize your expenses so that you have a greater profit margin when you start making sales. This minimizes risk and maximizes the chance for success.
As the gentlemen above queried, this is all assuming you have game development experience. If you do not I would not recommend this move at this time but rather find ways to increase your experience in the above areas I mentioned. You can do this PT or in your spare time without burning a hole in your pocket. Again... this is about maximizing your chances of success. Remember that even experienced companies have a hard time turning a profit on games. Do everything in your power to close the gap of risk.
-Unk
#9
06/29/2006 (8:21 am)
Wow, this is some amazing advice. It's what makes this community so awesome. 
#10
It's difficult to say who's advice is best, because they're all correct so far. Just wait.
Good luck!
06/29/2006 (9:14 am)
Your first sentance said it all. "I don't know if I am." Please take everyones advice and wait. If you're really considering leaving your job, then spend some time (while at work) on getting your skill level up. It's not good work ethic, but it sounds like your company doesn't give a 'poo' about you anyway. At least you'll be getting paid to do what you like, even if they don't know they're paying you to do it.It's difficult to say who's advice is best, because they're all correct so far. Just wait.
Good luck!
#11
One of the frustrating things for me is that I have so much to manage here at work that when I go home to work on game development I can't because my mind is racing all day and its hard to slow down to focus at night. I do know that I can't do game development while Im in this position so that has to change. I will definately take everyones advice and plan this out better. I really wish I could plunge into this working 12 hours a day on it and not have to worry about $$ but thats just not possible. The last time I took a vacation I felt relaxed and creative and wanted to work on TGB while I was in Cabo.
I've read Jeff T's blogs before and it is those gold nuggets that are hard to come by. This is a good time to revisit them... Thanks everyone, this helps me to see how the grass is on the other side of the fence... It is definately a tough scenario because I'm struggling putting anymore effort into something that isn't rewarding and I know game development would be very rewarding for me. Maybe I just need to re-prioritize my life and move game development towards the top of the list.
06/29/2006 (9:31 am)
Thanks for the feedback everyone. I am definately taking everything to heart. Im not completely inexperienced in this sort of field but I know I could use more. I have several years of multimedia development experience which, to me, somewhat relates to the game development process. I've developed dozens of interactive projects and have a good understanding of why certain projects failed and why others were successful. Most of the problems I saw were related to project management. I would definately seek counsel and contract people for advice and help. To me it is the quickest path to getting a good understanding along with hands on experience. I did spend a weekend a while ago learning TGB scripting and created an asteroids clone in a couple days. That was soooo rewarding. With this 4 day weekend coming up maybe I'll spend a couple of days to hammer something else out...One of the frustrating things for me is that I have so much to manage here at work that when I go home to work on game development I can't because my mind is racing all day and its hard to slow down to focus at night. I do know that I can't do game development while Im in this position so that has to change. I will definately take everyones advice and plan this out better. I really wish I could plunge into this working 12 hours a day on it and not have to worry about $$ but thats just not possible. The last time I took a vacation I felt relaxed and creative and wanted to work on TGB while I was in Cabo.
I've read Jeff T's blogs before and it is those gold nuggets that are hard to come by. This is a good time to revisit them... Thanks everyone, this helps me to see how the grass is on the other side of the fence... It is definately a tough scenario because I'm struggling putting anymore effort into something that isn't rewarding and I know game development would be very rewarding for me. Maybe I just need to re-prioritize my life and move game development towards the top of the list.
#12
Good luck.
06/29/2006 (10:36 am)
Reprioritising is a good idea. Just take it a step at a time, and everytime you get disheartened, remember how far along you've come to positioning yourself to where you want to be. I can't count the number of times things have gone wrong, or someone has made a snide comment I've taken to heart, and I've wanted to pack it all in. If you really want it, you'll find the strength within yourself to keep going.Good luck.
#13
Really great plan, and awesome replies too.
06/29/2006 (11:27 am)
Tom, whatever path you choose you know I support you 100% and will do what I can to help.Really great plan, and awesome replies too.
#14
T.
06/29/2006 (2:15 pm)
I just want to point out that this guy is not me. Thanks Ben for the tip off ;-)T.
#15
06/29/2006 (2:55 pm)
I thought this was Tom Bampton ... and it was very confusing.
#16
06/29/2006 (3:27 pm)
Nope this isn't Tom Bampton - the god of many things... I updated my profile to avoid confusion. Does this mean that I don't have Tim Aste's support 100%? ;)
#17
06/29/2006 (3:55 pm)
Haha didn't have my coffee this morning, but still doesn't change what I said. :) 
#18
This community is amazing, though hearing about the corporate world is a bit unnerving for a college kid like me.
06/30/2006 (8:52 am)
Good luck in whatever you decide, Tom.This community is amazing, though hearing about the corporate world is a bit unnerving for a college kid like me.
Torque 3D Owner Phil Carlisle
"Dont quit your day job".
Actually, no, make that "Dont quit having a day job, but quit the one you are at now".
Theyre playing you, plain and simple. If they acknowledge that they should pay you more, and dont do anything about it, its time to walk. But making the leap from a corporate career into indie game dev is a big old leap and I think you'd be better off staging yourself. Especially if you arent already doing games in your spare time.
Get a job with better quality of life and time off, dont try and get the highest salary, then do your game dev on the side for a couple of years. That will give you a clearer signal wether its for you or not. Making a huge leap is bound to leave you unrewarded (you wont make much money for a few years and its a hard road).
I think you just need more work/life balance and this has nothing really to do with game dev.